For those who didn’t go to see the well-received film with the same title as this post, a bucket list is simply an itemized set of ambitions that one hopes to achieve before they ‘kick the bucket’ and depart from their earthly life. This opens the door for some creative and ambitious thinking.
One would think that those of us who have reached an age that presumably allows us to see a light at the end of a tunnel and to consider that light might not be an on-coming train would be those most likely participate in this form of pondering. So it came as a bit of a surprise when I heard the bucket list ambition coming from a 12-year old.
“I want to swim with the dolphins. It’s on my bucket list.”
Actually, the statement brought about two separate reactions from me. First was the surprise that a 12 year-old would even conceive of having such a list and second, the realization that a 72 year-old had never considered having one. Pretty unambitious, I thought. Or maybe just too easily satisfied and that was something I’d rarely been accused of!
I’ve spent some time thinking about this. I have more time to consider these issues as this point in my life when I’m the only resident of the house on Griffin Street. I reach a lot of conclusions…some have little, if anything, to do with the original premise, many are not altogether logical, and all are subject to change on any pretext or whim I choose to invoke.
Are there things that I regret not having done? Is it too late to do them? Are there valid reasons for doing/not doing them? Are the reasons really excuses?
Conclusion One: I’ve decided that there is a big difference between changing things that we have done and regretting having done them. Only a fool (I can already hear snickering) would refuse to change something that was obviously wrong. And I suspect we all could have a long list of these types of things. But I think that some of my unbelievably foolish decisions probably provided many of the major ‘lessons learned’ in my life and, as a result, likely kept me from making more…and more serious… mistakes. Should that be the case, how can I regret them entirely?
Conclusion Two: Like everyone with even a hint of imagination, I harbored ambitions of doing things that have gone undone. Going to the Calgary Stampede in Canada, seeing the Galapagos Islands, spending time in the Caribbean and the Northwest, becoming qualified to teach at the college level all were on my itinerary at one time or another. None of them got done. And today, none of them seem very important. Could I still do some of them? Probably. Do I feel the drive to leap into action and rectify these omissions? Not a bit!
My priorities have changed. I have changed. Ten years ago I received a typed letter from my favorite (only) brother-in-law that was addressed to my two brothers and me. It is the most outstanding letter I’ve ever received. In it, he spoke of the things that he valued as the principles of his life and how he related them to our extended family. He said. “Don’t ask me why, out of the blue, I would write these things, but you think about things you should say and then they never get said. Well, that is not going to happen to me, because I’ve said them”. He said what he wanted us to know and he said it well. I’ll always treasure his words and his initiative. I’ve tried to use that lesson in my life to speak to people who are important to me and let them know how I feel about them, just as Joe did to me.
Conclusion Three and Four: Someday it will be too late to do things. But none will get done without starting them. And changing things have consequences. The results from deeds done fifty years ago may play upon all of our memories and consciences and perhaps we still have the opportunity to clarify them. But will the result be a better one or should we just let things remain as they are? Not always an easy decision. Perhaps the error we made could be worse should we resurrect it and try to correct it. Two wrongs make a wrong-er.
The bottom line is that I have decided that I don’t need a bucket list. I know that I, like everyone, am bound to accept the responsibility for my decisions and actions. Or inactions. Good or bad. That sounds very noble but the fact it that I have no choice. I will be ultimately be judged and, gratefully, I will be forgiven.
But if I were going to have a bucket list, there is one item that I’d put on it. I want to see my grandson swim with the dolphins. And this spring, I'm going to do it. I bought the tickets as a Christmas present last year and he’s waiting for warm weather.
